Being Comfortable In Our Own Skin - What Could Be More Important?
“Mum, I really love myself, I’m really grateful that I’m me.” This kid will go far. I taught him early, when he was about 3, the importance of loving himself and being good with who he is.
It started one night while in bed, we were going through our nightly ritual of "I love you's." He used to like making a little list of who he loved and I'd asked him "do you love ...(fill in the blank...?) We don't have a lot of family, so it was small list.
And sometimes for fun I'd ask him if he loved someone random, and he'd giggle, screw up his little button nose and shake his wee head furiously "NOOOOOO" and we'd laugh.
And this night as we went through his list I asked him "what about yourself. Do you love yourself?" He thought for a minute, and shook his head "no" he answered.
"Oh." I said with surprise, "Well you know how much I love you, and you know how much Dad loves you, and you know how much Leo loves you ....so why wouldn't you love you?"
"That just doesn't make any sense at all."
I could see the wheels turning; his little mind mulling it over.
"It's so important to love ourselves Linc. Gosh, why wouldn't we? We only have one self, and if others love us, why wouldn't we love us?"
He looked at me wide eyed.
Where would be without ourselves? Why wouldn't we love who we are, who would you be if you didn't have you. You'd be bonkers not to love yourself."
"Do you love yourself?" he asked.
"OF COURSE I DO!" I replied, in the kinda tone I'd use if he were asking me if I like breathing air.
I could see he knew it made sense, and he was now wondering why he'd thought he didn't love himself after all. "Ok" he said cautiously. "But I only love myself a little bit."
It was a win.
And from that night on when we went through is list he always added himself.
At random times I'd quick fire questions at him, just for fun "do you love your mumma?" "YES" he'd beam.
"Do you love Leo?" (our beautiful spaniel.) "YES" he'd giggle.
"Do you love yourself?" There'd often be a little pause, but always a "YES."
It would come up in conversation occasionally, and I'd always reiterate to him just how important it is to be the recipient of our own love.
"Its vital, baby, you gotta love you. and you gotta love you good."
What's also vital is to example self love to him daily. I have to, example’s the teacher he’ll pay most attention to. This is where many parents fall down unfortunately, and that's not a criticism. But if you're trying to teach anything without walking the walk, it won't work.
If you're pushing self love onto your kids but you hate your own body, if you criticise yourself and you don't have boundaries and you beat yourself up and shame yourself for your mistakes, that's what you're teaching.
No matter what your words say, your actions are what they're paying attention to.
And now here he is, off his own back, announcing his own love. I'm not sure what thought was in his head just prior to his proclamation, but out it came, unprompted, honest and real.
And my heart swelled. Thank f*ck! Growing up and not loving yourself sucks and takes years to sort through.
He’s 8 now, and at an age where he’s more aware of himself and his body and he’s also more aware of being grateful for it. If I die tomorrow and miss the chance to teach him anything else from here on in, this’ll be enough.
My last breath will be peaceful; he'll work the rest out now he's coming from a foundation of love.
Self love and being comfortable in our own skin is one of the single most important things we can master. It’s a great irony that we’re comfortable in our skin when we’re very young (babies) or very old. All that precious time in between when we actually have the POWER to own our destiny and create amazing lives, handed over to the f*cking stories of not being enough.
Stories that land us in the rough, unloving arms of life and people, where we suffocate and get so horribly lost. I've been in a few of those arms and they're NOT good places to settle into, that's for sure.
Getting comfortable in our own skin is the greatest, most powerful shield of protection we can have. It's the shield of our own love.
We’re a speck of the divine FFS, a piece of God, a creation of miraculous beauty and power and right now we’re showing up here on earth as a physical self.
The soul would surely shake its head, if it had one, at the insanity of its human self, resisting its own love.
When are we going to wake up?
Why are we still giving in to worn out programming that keeps us asleep to our beauty and magnificence, and miraculous unlimited potential?
The discomfort isn’t coming from our skin, it’s coming from our thoughts.
If you’re willing to stick it out till you’re old and wrinkly you’ll see for yourself. And beware, you’ll be filled with painful regret at the many years you wasted suffocated and lost when you could’ve been dancing with love. Having not changed a single thing about yourself except your thoughts.
Madness, f*cking madness I tell ya!!
Madness I’m so dam grateful to have woken up from. If I let myself I’d already be regretting everyday of the discomfort, but I know there’s only pain in regret and I’m too busy now aligning with the arms where I will breathe the deepest, most nourishing breaths and give thanks every day for being forever found.
Life’s moving fast, this lifetime, it’s a one time deal, and you need to get comfortable with who you are NOW. Because you’re wasting the magic, and you're inviting the arms that will keep suffocating you and keep you from finding your own beauty and magnificence and one day, all too soon, you look back at what your discomfort robbed you of and you'll weep for love and life that might've been.
Life's too short or too long to stay locked in the prison of being uncomfortable being who you are. There's nothing wrong with you, only the thoughts and beliefs your attached to keep in you there. Don't settle for that and don't settle for just anyone's arms. If you need help reach out connect for a free call.
Dawn Lee is a Personal, Professional and Spiritual intelligence coach™ with a passion for melding psychology and spirituality. Dawn's expertise is leading others out of personal and relationship crisis and into clarity to find happiness, peace, love and connection inside out. Her mission is to help shine a light of awareness in the world and connect others back to their happiest, truest, more fearless selves. Discover how to work with 1:1 with Dawn.