,I'm having a clear out. It's a big task, one I've been putting off for a while but sweet jeezus, it sure does feel good getting rid of sh*t I don't want.
There's something fabulously freeing about eliminating the unwanted things in our lives. It lightens us. It's empowering, it helps create order out of chaos and it makes space.
Precious, sweet, valuable space.
Something we're typically not good at eliminating from our lives is people who really shouldn't be there. I learned the hard way. Keeping people in my life that don't belong, it's not something I indulge in these days.
Admittedly it took a while. And honestly I only committed to it after mopping up the spill of having a toxic friendship in my life that I knew should've been cut loose long before the inevitable mess happened.
But I'm grateful for it. It taught me a lot.
Like me, you strive to be a good person. You always try to see the best in people and you want to help, maybe even rescue a little. Besides, they need you and you don't want to let them down.
But it's a heavy price to pay keeping people in our lives who don't belong there. And often we don't realise just how heavy until its too late. It can be a friendship, a romantic relationship, someone at work, a neighbour, it can even be a family member.
Ironically its often those we're related to that hurt us most; blood being thicker than water often translates to mean gloves off.
And if you're in any doubt as to whether they're behaving badly in your life just ask yourself how are you feeling around them?
- Are you constantly second guessing them and yourself?
- Are you confused about how they feel about you?
- Are you having to adjust yourself your values your beliefs to keep them happy?
- Are they always acting selfishly never caring about you or your needs?
- Are they constantly taking and never giving?
- Do they always let you down?
- Are they making it blatantly obvious that you're not a priority?
- Do they say and do things that create a discomfort in your gut?
Look the bottom line is they're not bad people, they're just not your people.
If you have someone in your life causing chaos and disruption, related or otherwise, for your own sanity, you have to learn to eliminate them. Or at least share as little time and energy with them as possible.
Sound harsh? Maybe, but seriously, holding onto people who need to go is doing more damage than you realise.
Not just for you but also for them.
Keeping peeps in your life you know should be let go seriously f*cks with your energy field. It also erodes your inner trust because it goes against your gut. And I can't tell you how bad that is for you.
You know they aren't a great fit for you.
You know they don't share the same beliefs and values and they're never going to be on the same page as you.
And you know that things will keep heading south and eventually get to a point where's there more drama than you can handle.
But you avoid eliminating them and make excuses for them. You don't want to do the deed. You don't want to hurt them, or be the bad one. Worse still especially if its a relationship, you don't want to be on your own. You don't want to be lonely, and you suffer from a mindset of lack, so you're telling yourself someone is better than no-one.
And it becomes ok that they treat you badly, that they waste your time.
It becomes ok that they let you down, repeatedly. That they cancel last minute, don't call when they say they will, disresepct you, use you as an ego boost, or treat you like you're last on their list of priorities, because you are.
You've agreed it's ok and you make excuses for it, for them.
You stick around and you let the bad behaviour keep playing out.
But what you mightn't realise is that the damage isn't just happening to you, it's also damaging them. Because when we let people treat us badly we're doing them as much a disservice as we're doing to ourselves.
We're providing the conditions for them to keep projecting their own unconscious wounds onto us. Wounds that won't heal. We're complicit in keeping alive the unconscious pattern they're stuck in. And it's this pattern that creates a deep self loathing in them below their conscious awareness. And feeds the insecurity they have at their core, that they're actually not enough.
That's why they're treating you badly.
Allowing them to continue only perpetuates the cycle of pain and negativity, yours and theirs. This is precisely why I bowed out of this crazy behaviour. I will not consciously partake in creating someone else's pain.
Keeping people in our lives that shouldn't be there, we lose sight of our own needs and we step away from something more valuable than we know. And that's our own integrity. Having people in our lives who keep us constantly second guessing, wondering what we've done wrong leads us out of integrity with ourselves.
And that's one hell of a dangerous place to be.
We stop being honest, lie to ourselves and to them. We say nothing's wrong, "I'm ok" when we're not, and then we seethe with resentment at them not seeing the anguish they keep dumping on us.
And then we bitch and moan to others about them, spreading negativity and further poisoning our own field.
And if that's not reason enough to eliminate people from your life who shouldn't be there then consider that by keeping them in your field you're actually preventing the people who do belong from coming in.
You're keeping the good eggs, the real loving people out.
People who do share the same beliefs and values as you.
People who will treat you with kindness and compassion and make you a priority.
People who get you, who'll support you and do things for you, and be there when you do need them and want to know how you are, how your day went, what's happening in your life.
But you have to make space for those people. And you have cultivate an energetic field that will draw them in. Because how can you both collide otherwise?
The best way to eliminate people from your field is by getting clear about who you want in your life and who you don't. And for that you need boundaries. Once you're clear you can then act accordingly when those boundaries are crossed.
If you feel they're worthy of a second chance, give it. But be prepared to walk away if they repeat the same behaviour. And when you walk away do it with love. Love for yourself, love for the other that you don't want to participate in this destructive fakeness and game playing.
Do it with loving kindness that they've given you a chance to honor yourself by learning how to set boundaries and enforce them, because that's a skill that takes practice.
Be grateful that you've learned to get back into integrity and that you've cleared your field so you can now enjoy new energy flowing into your life.
Be grateful that you now know the signs and you've sent a clear message to your subconscious and your heart that you love and trust yourself enough to act.
Eliminating people from your life isn't cruel or harsh, its necessary to thrive. And if you're not thriving you're not truly living. You owe it to yourself to discover all the ways you can keep learning, keep growing, keep stepping up and acting in alignment, in truth, in integrity so that your life can start to mirror that back to you.
This is the place from which an amazing life is birthed.
And every last person who came into your life and created chaos is instrumental in teaching you the skills you need to learn to step up and create space for positivity to flow.
We're always being guided in the direction of what we need to be who we're here to become and if there's someone in your life that really shouldn't be there then you're being guided to dig deep and find the courage to let them go.
And here's a tip, do it first in your mind and then do it for real.
Allowing bad behaviour hurts everyone. It's not your fault, but it is your responsibility to decide who deserves to be in your life, and who doesn't.